This mid-life crisis of mine is ticking along quite nicely, but I’m having to learn how to navigate the choppy waters of being footloose and fancy-free whilst also being a hormonal forty something. It’s not easy I can tell you.
Take the latest issue. I’ve developed the most inappropriate crush on the local vet, so much so that my glasses steam up every time I see him.
Unfortunately Tavish (remember him, blind, farts a lot) is a needy dog, which necessitates regular visits to the surgery and without fail, every single time I walk in POUFF, my face gets so hot, steam rises from my hair and my glasses properly fog up. I know you think I’m making this up but honestly, the glasses are so fogged up you can no longer see my eyes.
I’ve tried looking at it logically. He’s kind. That’s got to be it because it certainly can’t be the rubber clogs or the dog hair coated fleece. But he’s tall (tick), he’s capable (double tick) and he’s nice to old ladies and dogs (ding ding ding we have a winner people!)
I once went in and couldn’t see him, phew I was in the clear. I managed a perfectly normal conversation with the receptionist and then BAM he popped up from under the counter where he’d been doing something inane and as fast as you can say fog, I was purple and using my fingers as windscreen wipers on my specs. He only said hello!
It’s gotten so bad now that I send the dog in with my children instead. I had to come clean to the boys who find it absolutely hilarious. They only have to mention the word vet and I blush and fog up which causes endless amusement.
He’s not my first inappropriate crush. I worked many years ago as an Estate Agent and was selling a house owned by a policeman. I may have mentioned my love of a chap in uniform. He never wore it once while I was valuing or viewing his house but just knowing that it hung in the wardrobe made me a gibbering wreck. Again, he was tall (tick), handsome (double tick) and he was a policeman (ding ding ding people we have another winner). I saw him once in the town, in uniform. I nearly crashed the car as I wound down the window and actually uttered the phrase “coooeeee Barry”. Honestly! Eye roll!